Nostalgia
by Aerysa
Summary: The time had finally come. He was truly gone, leaving her behind... How could she possibly cope with a reality like that?


This originally started as one of those "take your turn" stories, for the first 5 "paragraphs" that I started with a friend. I saved what we wrote, but it didn't get very far. Then as I was reading over it this weekend, an idea popped into my head. This is the result of that... It fits into the anime timeline, and you'll know which part it falls after once you read it.

* * *

**Nostalgia  
**  
Teardrops like moon pearls glistened in her eyes.

She then asked the sky, "Must I truly say goodbye? If only we can be together forever, free as the wind, vast as the sea..."

Droplets of rain began to fall upon her upturned face, a dismissal of her plea. Slowly at first, but growing faster and larger; a sign of outright rejection...

Her tears washed away, her sorrowful eyes against seemingly endless droplets, consuming her... Swallowing her...

The pain of failure and hopelessness pierced her heart, piercing all the way to her very soul. Unable to withstand it, she fell to her knees, lifeless and unmoving despite the freezing rain.

It was one those nights - seemingly endless - where the pain and shock of his betrayal left her feeling hollow. A taste of bitterness flooded her mouth at the reminder of his final act; to abandon her without a word. Her body retched, involuntary shudders coursing through her as she felt physically ill. In her head she understood him and his intentions, but it wasn't a message easily conveyed to her heart.

The memory had forced her body into motion, mindlessly throwing herself out onto the street in the dead of night. Her voiceless solicitation was flung high to the heavens as she searched for any sense of solace from her brokenness. The only answer had been the unrelenting rain, like the gods above scoffed and scorned her heart's desire of his return.

Disregarding the bone soaking chill, she picked herself off of the ground and stumbled blindly back into her apartment. Only one thought was on her mind.

Not even bothering to change out of her sodden pyjamas, she grabbed her purse and headed back out. The stream of tears that trickled down her cheeks was washed away by the rain as she walked to her destination. The gloomy weather was a match to the savage melancholy which gripped her spirit.

* * *

She let herself in as she had taken possession of his room after his escape. Though her superior frowned upon her sentimental refusal to follow protocol, she frankly didn't give a damn. She wasn't like him, able to callously brush aside her own emotions. Her crutch was gone.

As she flipped on the lights, she instinctively relaxed and released a small sigh. It was the closeness to him, rather than the heat of the building which revived her; occupying the space he once called his own. She walked towards the couch, her fingertips grazing along its smooth surface as she dropped her purse on the table.

It wasn't the first night that she had acted this way, quickly growing comfortable with using the place like it was her own. As rational thought returned to her, she realized the predicament she was in - her person being drenched by the cold evening rain.

A tiny smile tugged at her lips as she stepped into his bedroom without any hesitation. Stripping out of her own clothes, they made squishing sounds as they landed on the floor in a heap of sloppy, wet mess. When she was free of that burden, she made her way to the closet and grabbed a shirt from the things he had left behind.

Despite knowing she should hop into the shower, she couldn't stop herself from snuggling up against it and breathing in the scent of him. It was a smell of suede and incense from his cologne mixed with that of his cigarettes. Her close proximity to his clothing left it damp with water spots from the rain that dripped from her hair.

Closing the closet, she finally turned on her heel and headed for the bathroom. Tossing the shirt onto the seat of the toilet, she turned on the water and waited until it was heated before she stepped underneath its steady stream. It did wonders to return her health to a normal state - the warmth of the water and the permeating smell of his shampoo as she washed her hair.

When she finished, she stepped out and wrapped a clean towel around herself. The bathroom was the most devoid of his touch as he had taken along the necessities. Even so, she could picture it in her head - how he had used the space.

Knowing him as she did, she should have seen this coming. The honest truth was that she had. She thought she was prepared for it, but knowing something and actually experiencing it were two very different issues. In her moments of weakness, she had come to rely on his strength and insight too much, and now she felt his absence too poignantly.

Finally wiping herself dry, she slipped into his shirt and buttoned it up all the way. Even with the top button done, the thing was loose around the neck. It dwarfed her completely which wasn't surprising considering how tall he had been in comparison to her. A slight chuckle escaped her lips as he was notorious for leaving the top two undone.

In her sentimentality, she purposely did them up to be as close to him as humanly possible. It was like he was holding her protectively against the solid strength of his chest; like she was once again supported in the way she needed to be with his presence saturating the depths of her very being.

As she took a seat on the bed to towel dry her hair, she let her mind wander. This was the only place where she was stable enough to let herself ponder over the possibilities. The path of her thoughts was circular despite the obvious answer; there was no possible way she would be able to locate him.

Abandoning her current task, she tossed the towel aside - it would dry on its own soon enough. Rather, she went to pick up her clothes that were still in a heap on the floor. At the very least, she would need it to return home so she could change for work. After laying them out in the bathroom to air dry, she went to turn off the lights before she crawled into bed, slipping beneath the covers.

Her head rested on one pillow while a second was clutched tightly within her embrace. Snuggling against it, she felt the weariness starting to take control of her over-active imagination. Sighing softly, her eyes closed and she waited for sleep to claim her.

"Mm... Kou..." the final thing she murmured before she drifted into a dreamless state of rest.


End file.
